Only now do I look back and think about how I was shaping my future for a life that was not meant for me.Īs an immigrant, I find the principle of “living your life as you want to” rather complicated. I eventually graduated high school in 2019 having gone through the motions of doing what I thought was expected of me. I so desperately wanted to be able to spend the whole day outside with no responsibilities and commitments. Phone in one hand and calculator in the other, I would scroll through my Instagram feed and double tap enviously on posts of friends who were going on trips, staying out, and hanging out with each other. I lived under a state of chronic stress for years, from classes I was not interested in, work I did not like to do, and grades that I had set incredibly high standards for myself to earn. I turned on, completed my programmed tasks, and switched off for the night to do it all over again clogging through the motions of a life I was expected to live. I started to think along the lines of, “If I complete this stack of linear algebra worksheets from my tutor before studying for my geography test tomorrow, I’ll be able to sleep at 1 am today instead of 2 am.” I began to measure my time by my workload, and sacrificed sleep and time with friends to do so. Nonstop for the next four years, I would spend my weekends with tutors and stay up into the morning working through problem sets in addition to completing the homework I got from school. In the summer after eighth grade, I began to go see a tutor weekly after my mom voiced her concern that I would fall behind without the preparation and training in place for next year. I was in a high-pressure environment where everyone around me was incredibly smart, and, while competition wasn’t explicitly voiced, there definitely was a need to be as competent and intelligent as the rest of my peers. My high school was small, with no more than 120 students per grade. However, while these “milestones” were fun to experience, I otherwise didn’t live my life quite the way I wanted to.

This is not to say that I did not have fun experiences in high school: I went to a handful of house parties, went to prom, and was in a relationship.

Reminiscing on my high school experience, I fail to see myself reflected in the coming-of-age milestones portrayed in the films and books I eagerly consumed. The only way to mature-be an adult-is to engage with life. Being an active participant in your life is emphasised a lot in coming-of-age movies: you cannot grow by sitting on the sidelines.

All of these films, while focused on different conflicts and experiences, showcase their characters’ struggle to live on their own terms as they navigate their relationships. Charlie is a freshman who starts coming out of his shell as he makes new friends Amy and Molly are best friends who go to a party for the first time on the night before their graduation and Lady Bird navigates college applications alongside her tumultuous relationship with her mom. While these films all tackle different aspects of growing up, facing challenges, and overcoming obstacles, they are all united in the fact that they take place in high school. My favourite coming-of-age movies are The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Booksmart, and Lady Bird. I picture doing what the characters are doing and fantasise about going on their wild adventures. Cliché as it is, I often find myself immersed in the unbridled vibrance of youth. There are some essential elements to coming-of-age movies: a monologue from the main character about growing up, a big house party with drunken confessions, a late night road trip blaring “ Ribs” by Lorde or “ Tongue Tied” by Grouplove.

Remember that night grouplove